I'm in the middle of the ride, right?

Hey

Don't write yourself off yet.

It's only in your head you feel left out.

Or put down on.

Just try your best.

Try everything you can.

It doesn't matter what the others say

When you're away.

It just takes some time, little girl

You're in the middle of the ride, everything everything'll be just fine

Everything Everything'll be alright.

Hey.

You know we're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own.

So don't give in.
And hey right now,

Just be yourself.

It doesn't matter if it's good enough

For someone else.

-Jimmy Eat World, "The Middle"

Those lyrics I choose to live by. They help me realize that I'm my own person, and I don't have to go with the flow. A few things came to mind while I was trying to figure out a bassline, I was thinking about my friends, mostly guys but one or two girls, and how different they are. And how incredibly scary these realizations are.

Only out 3 out of my thirteen close friends hasn't gotton wasted. Trashed. Punch-drunk.

Two of them have already struggled with drug addictions. They've recovered, and have stopped, thankfully. I didn't know it was possible to be that screwed up at seventeen.

two of them smoke pot on a monthly basis.

Three of them have been seriously depressed and considered suicide as a perfectly valid escape.

My three closest friends are straight edge. (no drugs, no alcohol)

I have never been drunk, tipsy, or ever tried any drug.

I've vowed to never sip an alcoholic drink. Or try any drug. Ever.

Most people scoff and stick their noses up, telling me that I'll get drunk once in my life, but after seeing one of my friends in a drunken stupor, I realized that alcohol makes you look stupid. For girls, it leaves your vulnerable. For guys, it makes you stupid and cocky. It can also make you angry. Very angry.

Why would I want to do that to myself? I've vowed to never be another teenage statistic.

Why do girls do this to themselves? I remember being in health class, half listening while the teacher lectured about being drunk and had us try on the "drunk goggles." I was scribbling on my paper when the girl next to me leaned over and whispered, "It doesn't really feel like that. It's a blast, I do it every night."

Pardon me?

Yeah, it's so great to feel the buzz.

She then droned off and rolled her eyes, and I felt a surging sense of pity for her. For every girl who's trying to be the teen queen, who looks up to paris hilton, who worships bratty girls who have birthday parties on mtv.

I pity you.

What are teen idols these days? Not 11-14 teen idols. But adult idols. People that matter. Who do I look up to? I suppose it's the reason I'm writing this. I don't idolize anyone. I admire specific qualities about people. I once asked a girl who she looked up to, asked her if she could name two people.

Paris Hilton. Lindsay Lohan.

Why is Paris so popular? She's a stoned, snot-nosed, money loving, dog-toting, sunglass wearing, anorexic looking girl.

Girl, not God. I don't know why, but for some odd reason, the school that I am currently at has many ditzy freshman girls. I don't have any friends my age, they are all older than me. But I realized something about them, when they rolled their eyes at me, when they threw my gym clothes in the trashcan, when they whispered snide remarks behind my back, when they brought me to tears after I was humiliated in class by a teacher when I was trying to explain the meaning of a particular piece of writing.

I realized that my views were so over their heads that the only way they could somewhat justify their intelligance was by calling me a "stupid punk kid." These girls look up to perfectly figured blonde haired celebraties, because they wear makeup and have their own t.v. show. They want to live in L.A, to walk around with their teeny tiny dog and wear sunglasses so large that they'd cover homer simpson's eyes.

Whatever happened to wanting to be president?

I suppose I'll follow the lyric discussion.

After commenting on David Harrity's blog, (go buy his book "Morning and what has come since-finishing line press...you are smart...google it.) A bit of promotion on a blog that no one reads, eh? Anyways, I decided to follow the trend for once and post up some of my favorite lyrics. I was watching Bowling for Columbine the other day, and Marylin Manson, whom I respect but don't particularly agree with, said a few things that really made sense. "As a youth, I knew music was safe. When you put on a CD, it never came out and bit you, it simply agreed with you."


And I realized that although I have friends and peers who care about me, it's my music and God that really helped me through the rough times in my life. It gives you a reason to wake up in the morning, no matter what happens you've got that song playing over and over again, speaking in your ear and telling you that yes, you can make it through the day. Or you put your cd player on and press play, and the lyrics start to register in your head and you realize that the song is speaking particularly to you. It captures everything you are going through right at that very instant.

Great lyrics:

I am outside

And I've been waiting for the sun

With my wide eyes

I've seen worlds that don't belong

My mouth is dry

With words I cannot verbalise

Tell me why

We live like this

Keep me safe inside

Your arms like towers

Tower over me, yeah

Cause we are broken

What must we do to restore

Our innocence

And all the promise we adored

Give us life again

Cause we just wanna be whole

Tower over me



I love this song, just because it makes so much sense to me. There arn't any stupid secrets you are supposed to decode, no references you had to look up. It just simply says, "Take me and help me be the best person I can be.

Another great song is "This is the End," by Anti Flag. The lyrics are talking about how the media influences us, and how incredibly stupid the whole thing is.

Seems every station on the TV
Is selling something no one can be
If every page was torn from the magazine
Would cash still drive the media machine?
The products, damage and pursuit are endless
Identity can leave you selfless
We will not witness this anymore

This is the end for you my friend
I can't forgive, I won't forget
On and on, we sing our songs andon and on, the wars wage on and
On and on, we sing our songs for more

Your eyes are open but you can't see
Your mouth is moving but you don't speak
A blitzkrieg of images to break your will
I hope you choke on every pill
We will not witness this anymore

This is the end for you my friend
I can't forgive, I won't forget

I like songs like I like poetry. Short, simple, emotional, and to the point.

Band Update: We decided on a new name. Last one Standing. Good stuff, eh? After a 6 hour practice session, we finally made an entire song, lyrics and all. It was tough, though, sitting in a room for three hours simply brainstorming and attempting to figure out different parts and song structure. I enjoyed it though. We have 2 other songs in the making, along with a nice soft acoustic one. Good stuff!

Hope everyone is enjoying their summer!

I finally started my summer reading.

So, how goes it? Things have been pretty interesting here, I've been everywhere but home. Thursday, I hung out with Sammie, Glenn, Kate, Paul, Jake, Ellen, and Zoo at Kate's house. Turns out, you CAN play twister with seven people. I stayed out of it, not much of a team kind of person. I've always been like that, hating sports that involved contact. Even as a kid, I always wondered what drove people to run in a cluster of sweaty, smelly people just to gain acess to a ball. I love concerts, but that's different. It isn't competitive. In gym class, I once got whacked over the head with a hockey stick for not "defending my goal." Competitive girls can be so evil when it comes to points. I remember simply standing up and saying, "Really, this little piece of plastic means THAT much to you?"

I could've thrown it at her face, but I didn't. I generally try to be a nice person when it comes to anger.

I should've, though.

In other news, started a band, (tenatively called Willful Ignorance- Thanks Mr. Weisenhann.) and it's interesting. We had our first rehearsal yesterday as a full band; I had been playing with the drummer for a few weeks. Our new guitarist is amazing, he can play anything by Joe Satriani, Dream Theatre, Bozzio Levin Stevens...all the pros. But he listens to punk, which strikes me as odd. Punk usually involves three chord guitar parts and machine gun drumming- why would a virtuoso consider playing it? I'm glad, though. Punk/rock/alternative are genres that I love, so I'm sure we'll find something we can cover.

In even better news, I still haven't gotton my summer reading done. In fact, I haven't even gotten the book yet. Am I amazing or what?

Happy rainy fourth

I've been listening to Paramore like crazy, which is strange. I generally don't go for the mainstream pop/rock bands. I've always been locked inside my little dark corner with Rancid, The Descendants, Bad Religion, and Anti-Flag, they've always been my top 4, and although I have a wide variety of music, I still mostly listen to that. But Paramore, they are different. I don't have to think when I listen to them, and I can simply enjoy the music. I still remember seeing them three years ago at a smelly rock club called Numbers, (I mentioned it in a short paragraph I wrote awhile ago) It was disgusting, they had unisex bathrooms, so the stalls were gross; one of which contained a junkie snorting something- a frightening experience for a twelve year old, and another...never mind. The first thing I remember about the band was how young they were. Their drummer was only fourteen, their singer was only sixteen. I was in awe.

But I never really got into them until a few weeks ago. Their song, "Hallelujah," is playing to the right of this post. I heard the song "We are Broken," and immediatly downloaded it. (Legally-musicians are poor, I do all I can. ;)) The lyrics capture everything I've been feeling, everything I've been struggling with within my head, it comforts me and helps me feel secure. Since I've been unable to put my feelings down on paper, I'll post the lyrics here.

We are Broken; Paramore.

"I am outside
And I've been waiting for the sun
With my wide eyes
I've seen worlds that don't belong
My mouth is dry with words I cannot verbalize
Tell me why we live like this
Keep me safe inside
Your arms like towers
Tower over me
Yeah
Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole
Lock the doors
Cause I like to capture this voice it came to me tonight
So everyone will have a choice
And under red lights
I'll show myself it wasn't forged
We're at war
We live like this
Keep me safe inside
Your arms like towers
Tower over me
Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole."

Happy 4th of July everyone. Never been a fan of fireworks, or parties, or alcohol, but I'm going to do an acoustic set at a friends house. Just cover stuff, because Daniel and I have been unable to get any lyrics set. We've got three songs, though, so it's all good. I guess I just have a "bassist" personality in a band. I don't want to boss anyone around, and without Travis there, we can't get anywhere because of the missing guitar parts.